The Movie That Sucked...HA!Spoiler Warning: This movie is about to be wrecked like the boat at the end. Oh...sorry.
I saw this last night, and it was "not good". It is, as you can see, The Boat That Rocked, written and directed by Richard Curtis who wrote and directed Love Actually. It's long, doesn't follow any sensible structure, self-validates, and is bad. It's pretty much Love Actually, but loosely based on the true story of a 'pirate' radio stations (illegal, right, but also on a boat!!11, but that's why it's called 'pirate'!!!1 so, like, triple-etymological-entendre???4) off the coast of Britain in '66, and instead of love it's focused on music, and despite an ensemble cast doesn't really involve many layers of story, and instead of working as a movie, it sucks.
So in that regard, it's not actually like Love Actually at all - except for the ensemble cast element, and the comedy part. Pretty much, there's this main character, "Carl", they call him, who sort of shares screen time equally with the other eight or so characters, making him not that main, and he is expelled from his school before the opening credits; ends up on this boat, of which his godfather Quentin (Bill Nighy) is the captain, and it's a pirate radio station. And Carl doesn't have a dad. Turns out Carl's dad was this old DJ you see once or twice. Okay, then.
So, anyway, Carl has a love interest, Marianne, played by "Talulah Riley" - so she says - who is Quentin's niece, or something. Anyway, comedy of errors, blah blah predictable somethings - she then sleeps with a fat DJ instead of Carl when he's fallen in love with her from "the first moment he saw her", boohoo, what a scrag, etc., move on, you think - oh, but the movie listens, and the movie does; Marianne disappears for about 90 minutes of real-time after she's broken Carl's heart, and then she returns, and...all is well, no complications whatsoever. ... ...
What. The. Shit. Who and why are you, Richard Curtis? What did anyone gain from her sleeping with that fat DJ if there was no playing out of a complication and resolution between her and Carl? What was the point of this movie? Why have her as a character? Why, come to that, make this movie at all? Why did I get charged adult price for this shit when I've still got my devil-may-care youthful vibrance? Why did a film which was all a bit of a non-event need over two hours to run its course?
No reason, or, Because someone screwed something up, are the answers to most of these questions, if you interpret 'screwed' liberally.
Katherine Parkinson and Chris O'Dowd from The IT Crowd were involved somewhat, good for them, on the big screen, but thank god Richard Ayoade was not bought so easily; like a raffle ticket. We didn't win.
Curtis - "Fool" to his close friends and family - said that this movie wasn't about the literal events around pirate radio ships in the 60's - good, because otherwise they sucked - but rather it was for "entertainment purposes" only. That's why it wasn't called a documentary - thanks for clarifying, Richard! "Oh, watch as I recreate a periodic atmosphere, hey; clothes and haircuts, music and sex - I'm so ruthless with my stylising and nuanced visionary balls." Richard Curtis was entertaining himself by making this film.
Yes, it looks good, and yes there are some funny moments, like with the government officials played by Kenneth Branagh and Jack Davenport (boy, can that guy not get away from movies to do with ships - see below), but aside from the occasional "fun" moment, every other scene of the movie seemed a non-sequitur and didn't progress or promote any kind of storyline, or really develop characters or whatknot. Like the scene where "The Count" challenges "Gavin" to a game of "chicken" where they both end up climbing 50 "metres" or so up the mast, and then walk out over the edge of the boat on a beam, and jump into the ocean. Oh, the adrenaline. Be still, my heart. What did that scene add. That wasn't a question.
Mary Bryant (2005), Pirates of the Carribbean (2007), The Boat That Rocked (2009)
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And there was (probably still is) a character called "Thick Kevin" - who is possibly based on Richard Curtis - but we are invited to laugh at him in the same way that the characters in the movie do. Presentational. That's not fun for anyone. What was the point? To draw us out of the film so we can realise how nothing in it quite has a point? Why was he there? Why, why, why.
Everything in this movie was a self-validating circle.
Cyclical like a wheel, only it finished. And wheels don't. Because they go places.
Unlike this movie.
I saw this last night, and it was "not good". It is, as you can see, The Boat That Rocked, written and directed by Richard Curtis who wrote and directed Love Actually. It's long, doesn't follow any sensible structure, self-validates, and is bad. It's pretty much Love Actually, but loosely based on the true story of a 'pirate' radio stations (illegal, right, but also on a boat!!11, but that's why it's called 'pirate'!!!1 so, like, triple-etymological-entendre???4) off the coast of Britain in '66, and instead of love it's focused on music, and despite an ensemble cast doesn't really involve many layers of story, and instead of working as a movie, it sucks.
So in that regard, it's not actually like Love Actually at all - except for the ensemble cast element, and the comedy part. Pretty much, there's this main character, "Carl", they call him, who sort of shares screen time equally with the other eight or so characters, making him not that main, and he is expelled from his school before the opening credits; ends up on this boat, of which his godfather Quentin (Bill Nighy) is the captain, and it's a pirate radio station. And Carl doesn't have a dad. Turns out Carl's dad was this old DJ you see once or twice. Okay, then.
So, anyway, Carl has a love interest, Marianne, played by "Talulah Riley" - so she says - who is Quentin's niece, or something. Anyway, comedy of errors, blah blah predictable somethings - she then sleeps with a fat DJ instead of Carl when he's fallen in love with her from "the first moment he saw her", boohoo, what a scrag, etc., move on, you think - oh, but the movie listens, and the movie does; Marianne disappears for about 90 minutes of real-time after she's broken Carl's heart, and then she returns, and...all is well, no complications whatsoever. ... ...
What. The. Shit. Who and why are you, Richard Curtis? What did anyone gain from her sleeping with that fat DJ if there was no playing out of a complication and resolution between her and Carl? What was the point of this movie? Why have her as a character? Why, come to that, make this movie at all? Why did I get charged adult price for this shit when I've still got my devil-may-care youthful vibrance? Why did a film which was all a bit of a non-event need over two hours to run its course?
No reason, or, Because someone screwed something up, are the answers to most of these questions, if you interpret 'screwed' liberally.
Katherine Parkinson and Chris O'Dowd from The IT Crowd were involved somewhat, good for them, on the big screen, but thank god Richard Ayoade was not bought so easily; like a raffle ticket. We didn't win.Curtis - "Fool" to his close friends and family - said that this movie wasn't about the literal events around pirate radio ships in the 60's - good, because otherwise they sucked - but rather it was for "entertainment purposes" only. That's why it wasn't called a documentary - thanks for clarifying, Richard! "Oh, watch as I recreate a periodic atmosphere, hey; clothes and haircuts, music and sex - I'm so ruthless with my stylising and nuanced visionary balls." Richard Curtis was entertaining himself by making this film.
Yes, it looks good, and yes there are some funny moments, like with the government officials played by Kenneth Branagh and Jack Davenport (boy, can that guy not get away from movies to do with ships - see below), but aside from the occasional "fun" moment, every other scene of the movie seemed a non-sequitur and didn't progress or promote any kind of storyline, or really develop characters or whatknot. Like the scene where "The Count" challenges "Gavin" to a game of "chicken" where they both end up climbing 50 "metres" or so up the mast, and then walk out over the edge of the boat on a beam, and jump into the ocean. Oh, the adrenaline. Be still, my heart. What did that scene add. That wasn't a question.
Jack Davenport: A Man Who Really Fuckin' Loves His Ships.
Mary Bryant (2005), Pirates of the Carribbean (2007), The Boat That Rocked (2009)=
And there was (probably still is) a character called "Thick Kevin" - who is possibly based on Richard Curtis - but we are invited to laugh at him in the same way that the characters in the movie do. Presentational. That's not fun for anyone. What was the point? To draw us out of the film so we can realise how nothing in it quite has a point? Why was he there? Why, why, why.
Everything in this movie was a self-validating circle.
Cyclical like a wheel, only it finished. And wheels don't. Because they go places.
Unlike this movie.
The End.
....but otherwise it was okay.
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1 comment:
only a few problems then. good to see a truly scathing review... haven't read one in a while.
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